We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
