She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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