apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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