After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
