I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
