This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
