And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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