At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
