just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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