Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
