whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
