i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
