I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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