You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
