upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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