remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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