A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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