Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
