Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
