Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
