This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
