If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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