it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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