We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
