I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
