He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
