You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
