You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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