nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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