I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
