I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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