My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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