I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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