i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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