i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
