I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize