At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
