ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
