dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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