You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
