FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
