Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
