His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
