i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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