Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
