I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
