So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
