last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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