East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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