last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
