The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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