Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
