Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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