hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.