I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
my poor anus
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it