He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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