We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.