I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
