i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire