chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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