I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out