I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
