Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
