just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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