his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
