no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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