so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i already hear my dad disowning me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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