Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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