Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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