Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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