I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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