Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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