She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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