There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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