hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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