drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
